I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
