the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
