Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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