We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
