Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize