I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
