The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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