I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
