If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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