I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
