i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
