Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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