Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
