the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
well, you know. whores of a feather.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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