He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
