tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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