Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
