I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
