I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
