I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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