dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
