I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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