She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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