So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
