Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
