I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
my liver is dry heaving
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
