Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Boobs speak an international language.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
