She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
