last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
