he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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