He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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