All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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