I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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