So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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