Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
