You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
