Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
