I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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