So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
