You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You don't make any sense
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