Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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