so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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