Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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