It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
