great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I didn't notice because vodka
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
