I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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