Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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