Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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