1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
