Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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