Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
As shirtless as possible
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
