You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
