Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
