I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
