Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
