They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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