glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
