Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
