I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I miss vodka workout Fridays
then he tried to convert me to islam
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
