Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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