Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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