You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
