so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
