I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
